Thursday, October 2, 2008

Question of the Day #1

If you could give one piece of advice to a couple about to get married, what would you say?

40 comments :

Jenn said...

Don't do it ..hahaha!

Lyndi said...

I would tell them to make sure the communications lines are always open. And, before getting married to make sure they are on the same lines when it comes to children and if mom/ dad will stay home after children. That seems to be a big stresser on a lot of couples. And, of course,"Never go to bed angry at each other"

Jenn said...

Don't go into this expecting your spouse to some day change into a better person. If you can't stay with them for the rest of your life even if they NEVER improve in anyway, you're heading for major disappointment. We all change, yes - but marriage isn't about changing one another. It's about changing yourself.

Anonymous said...

I would say "wait another 6 months and kind of track how many times you argue and end up mad at each other...and how long it takes to make up. If it's a lot (like more than once a month) or it takes more than 30 minutes to settle it and make up, it's a warning sign - and it will only get worse after you are married...so don't do it!! Get a pet instead.."

Mom

SunflowerMom said...

Make sure he knows where the laundry basket is & how to use this complex piece of technology.

Joy said...

Keep on Talking! Never stop communicating. Sharing your feelings with your partner is sooo important!

agk11808 said...

yes please tell me your advice, i am getting married in 37 days!

Anonymous said...

To make sure that they are equally yoked. and to keep God in their lives.

amanda said...

ohh i like the equally yolked too. and of course don't go to bed angry...ever...you wake up more upset in the morning...besides making up is lots of fun. keep god in the center of their relationship, always. talk talk talk talk talk about everything. don't let things go unsaid or assumed. because it's when the cracks start forming. marriage is fun, and it's work. a lot of work.

Anonymous said...

Always keep God first. Never leave him out.

Leah said...

Well, this might be better for someone THINKING about getting engaged: Look at how your new love talks about people he/she doesn't like. Can he/she still talk about them respectfully? Or is it mean, spiteful, etc? Your spouse isn't going to LIKE you every day. There will be times in your life when you're frustrated with eachother. How he/she talks about people they don't like NOW is a good indicator how they will talk about YOU on those no-so-blissful days. (I learned this one from experience!)

JRS said...

Keep your sense of humor and don't go to bed angry.
---Jen

The Hortons...one day at a time. said...

I'd would tell them that a good marriages takes work. Its not always easy.

Sherry said...

God is first, even before your spouse. Also, remember, it is not about you. If both of you strive to put your spouse first and have a servant's heart, I believe you will have a happy and healthy marriage. Never talk to friends of the opposite gender about your marriage or your spouse.

Karen said...

I'd have to remind them that it's a commitment, and it needs to be honored. Quitting is not an option.

Sandy said...

I don't have much authority since I'm engaged to be married in May, but the best piece of advice I have been given so far is:
Don't spend so much time planning the wedding that you forget about planning and preparing for the marriage. If you spend as much time and energy on the marriage as you do on the wedding, you'll have a very healthy relationship.

gillian said...

Don't spend a lot of money on the wedding.

Anonymous said...

Always remember to date each other. Take time to keep your romance alive. Those fun, playful romantic things or the memmories of them is what keep you connected when things get hard!

Shari said...

Communication is key to the relationship and do not expect each other to change to something different. They are who they are!

~Erica~ said...

I have only been married for a almost 2 months so I am not an authority but the things I have learned already are....

1. Always keep God in the center because it keeps you both accountable to someone!

2. Have fun together. Anthony and I have disneyland passes and we go weekly, it's our "thing" and we always come home very happy and it leads to marital bonding later if you know what I mean. It brings the kid out and then the adult in you gets the rest needed!

I'll just keep learning from here!

DreamCatcher said...

The advice that my husband and I live by is to always communicate but rather than get angry during a fight, step away and cool off before trying to compromise. Never, ever, part without telling each other how much you love each other and when possible, never go to bed angry.

Courtney said...

Love is a verb not a noun! It takes WORK!!!
THe best marriage advice I ever got though was, Don't do anything in the first year of marriage you don't want to do the rest of your life....think about it and it will begin to make sense!

Pamela said...

When it all hits the roof (and it will on occassion) rememeber the good times and this season will not seem as big and insurmountable.

When you take your vows your making a promise not only to your spose but to God, so another way to get through the tough times in focus on Who you made your promise to. Him AND God.

A wise lady once told me "the greastest distance between a problem and its solution is the distance between your knees and the floor". Pray together as much as possible and let the Lord do the work in both your hearts and othing will get between you!

Tess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tess said...

my nanna used to tell me that her secret to a good marriage was never to go to bed on an argument and never leave the house without a kiss goodbye. She was married for over 50 yrs and i never knew my grandparents to argue.
We've been together just on 30 yrs and yup, her recipe works for us too!! mind you, sometimes it is hard not to go to bed angry but if you must..get over it, dont dwell on it. Both accept responsibility (unless of course it definitely is HIS fault lol). and most importantly dont lose your identity or sense of humor, you will be needing it LOL

Heather said...

I love a lot of the advice already given. God as the center of your marriage is key. Also, give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.

grecia said...

First and foremost, remember those VOWS....they are just words, but when taken seriously and to heart and with God's help and direction, they become the center of a very healthy and happy marriage. It is a give-and-take...sometimes you give ..but there is a lot of taking!

Becca said...

Have patience, and remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.

Christina said...

Choose your battles!

lesliemarie said...

full financial disclosure...and put your budget on a spreadsheet.

lesliemarie said...

oh, and i agree about the kiss goodbye...I'm very superstitious about that. Josh's great-grandmother gave his great-grandfather a kiss every day before they parted ways. The one day she didn't do it because she was busy, he was killed at work (he worked on power lines). I will NEVER let Josh leave my sight without a kiss...I have literally chased his car down before! :)

LaForestGump said...

Wait a year...
Don't have kids too early...
Communicate about your hopes, dreams, goals, and plans before hand...
If your partner isn't what you want now, and you are hoping he/she will change, it's probably a good idea to move on. In general, people don't change.

Anonymous said...

don't ever ever ever fight about money. her money is hers. his money is still hers. :-)

cheche
philippines

My Three Sons said...

My advice, live everyday like it's your last. Life is precious. Never leave or go to bed angry. Always love that person the way you want to be loved. Lastly, marriage is a partnership. Share responsibilities.

Mandy Greene said...

This is the best one that was given to me but I am sad to say I do not do it... Take the tv out of your bedroom so at night you talk instead of watching it. I remember when we were dating we would stay up and just talk. Now, the tv is on and we are watching in silence. I am going to make an effort to turn it off at night and talk to my hubby again, thanks for reminding me of this Renee!

Mami said...

Qué difícil pregunta Renee!!

Pero pienso que es importante saber que las personas no cambian con el matrimonio :D
Si cambian, generalmente no es para mejorar... asi que es mejor ir prevenidos...

Si te molestan algunas cosas de el/ella cuando son novios, esas cosas serán mucho más molestas cuando estén casados!!

Pedir mucho a Dios que bendiga nuestras vidas, nuestra familia y nos ayude a superar las pruebas...

Jennifer said...

Go to bed angry works in some cases, but when you are mad about something small, and you know that . . .sleep on it. Chances are, when you wake up, you will have gained perspective and won't pick a battle that never needed to be fought!

Ragdoll Billie said...

Communication

My # years' experience?
46.5 years

♥emma stormy♥ said...

Make your marriage a commitment. No matter how bad things ever get, commit to staying together. Even when you don't feel the love, commit to staying together. Never give up.

Anonymous said...

I just found this... I LOVE this question and the advice. As someone married just over a year, I'm a little OBSESSED about marital advice. All of this sounds so realistic and true. Thank you all for being so honest and forthcoming with this advice.

Natalie