"Uh oh," I said. "What happened?"
"Well..." and then the tears started falling. During recess one of Kassidy's friends told her that she overheard some boys were saying that they saw a provocative picture of Kassidy in a bikini on her facebook page. And rumors were flying.
Problem 1: Kassidy doesn't have a facebook page.
Problem 2: She doesn't have a bikini.
Problem 3: Even if she did have a facebook page and a bikini, she sure as heck wouldn't be posting provocative pictures on it!
Still though, Kassidy was devastated that these boys - boys who she thought were her friends no less - were saying these things about her.
So we talked about it on the way home... we talked about how it was OK to be sad, but tomorrow she needs to not let them know it's getting to her. I told her if anyone said anything to her about it that she should just say, "That's funny, I don't have a facebook page OR a bikini, so I don't know how that's possible!" and walk away.
For dinner we went to the Chic-Fil-A fundraiser night for her school and I tried to get her mind off it, but she kept saying things like, "I don't understand... what did I do to them to make them talk about me?" Ahhh welcome to the lovely world of pre-teen drama, my dear. I wouldn't go back if you paid me.
Then, just a little while ago, her teacher called. (I love her teacher!) Kassidy had told her about all of this when it happened and she tried to look into it, but recess is literally right before school gets out so there wasn't much time. After school though, two of the boys in question were still at the school so she talked to them. Their response? "NO! We weren't talking about Kassidy! We were talking about CassIE!" Hmm... And she said they felt really bad that Kassidy thought they were talking about her... they went on to say that they weren't talking about Cassie badly either... it was more of an excited "I saw her on facebook in a bikini!" (Which is so ummm typical of a 5th grade boy???)
So, now Kassidy is breathing a sigh of relief. She is sitting here next to me talking out her feelings once again. "It feels good to not be mad at anybody." She even said she wants to apologize to the boys tomorrow for being angry with them... they didn't even know she was angry with them, but she said it would make her heart feel better. :) I have an awesome daughter.
There were lots of lessons learned today:
Even though I am sure Kassidy's friend thought she was doing the right thing by protecting her friend, even ONE syllable can make a world of difference when you overhear something. Make sure you have your facts straight or keep your mouth shut! You can cause someone a lot of hurt without meaning to. Rumors take on a life of their own... what started as possibly a boy saying a flirtatious thing about one girl, quickly turned into a hurtful thing about another.
Don't jump to conclusions. I know this is hard, especially when it's about you or someone you love. My mama bear claws came out right away today. I wasn't going to go in and beat down any 5th grade boys
Facebook has an age limit for a reason... maybe 5th graders shouldn't have facebook pages... and if they DO, be sure they have strict parental supervision. This has been a big topic in our household on several occasions as many of Kassidy's friends do have pages of their own. Frank and I have decided that for now we are just not ready for Kassidy to have her own page. Today's drama confirms that decision. How much harder would it have been if Kassidy DID have a page? She easily could have been accused of removing a picture or whatever. The internet is a tricky thing... at any age.
Forgiveness and not having anger in your heart is a beautiful thing.
The pre-teen years stink. And we're just starting out. Lord, help us!
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11 comments:
I have 2 teen sons so the drama is limited. My good friend has 2 teen daughters and the drama never ends! I think you have to deal with it until they are seniors in high school-unfortunately! The only advice I have is try to make them feel loved and confident within the family. I always found that when things are going bad at school it gave me some good bonding opportunities with my boys.
I forgot to add- wait until grade 9 for facebook if you can.
I vividly remember the difficult teen years. I felt like no one understood me and I vowed to remember it. I firmly believe that the ONLY answer is prayer. I believe that God can be a never-changing constant during the emotional upheaval. I pray that God would be with you and Frank as you guide your children through this time.
You think 5th grade is bad? Wait till middle school! I'm in 10th grade now, and middle school sucked! People started rumors about me that I picked my nose and wiped in on the seats, and people would scream "booger girl!" in my face! 6th grade was probably the worst year, and in 8th grade the boys started teasing me. My hair was always a mess in middle school, so I got teased for that, and for just generally being awkward, and not so attractive. I only had about one or two friends. It got SO much better in high school! No one really cares what you look like, and people pretty much leave you alone. I still get teased on occaison, but I really don't care anymore. AFter I got my braces off, and figured out how to straighten my hair, the teasing got better! So some tips for Kass next year in middle school:
1. Do not try too hard to be cool!
2. Make sure your hair is decent(altough hers is straight already so she won't have the problems i did!)
3. Don't say things that are really weird!(This got me made fun of big time! I didn't think before i talked at all!) This also goes along with not asking stupid questions in class!
But middle school was fun for the most part, not really different from elementary school, the first day was really no big deal. Have fun!
I have one in grade nine (who we also disallow facebook for)... though we let her post her thoughts of recent on my blog, which often carck me up.
She has posted the last two Wednesday's as DAKOTA's SPACE on my blog... too funny.
Good to hear it ended well.
Keep strong,
Carol :)
I'm glad everything worked out. My 6th grade daughter is also not allowed on facebook. I just feel it is for adults and I wouldn't want her to see anything she shouldn't. My husband was looking at his 12 yo cousin's page and found some very inappropriate "friends".
Oh my, even though all of this is several years away for me, I don't even want to think about it! UGH!!
I'm glad everything got squared away and Kassidy feels better about it all.
I have to agree with you...5th grade is too young for a Facebook page.
Have a great day!
You are very fortunate that Kassidy is so open about her feelings and what is happening at school. Sometimes it was like pulling teeth getting info about school from my boys - I often heard about things from other moms(usually moms of girls!) I too would not go back to those school years if you paid me! Glad it all turned out OK for her.
I thought the age limit on fb was 13? Even in HS kids can be cruel and perhaps not mature enough to handle fb or understand the consequences of some of the things that are exchanged on fb. That said, I have an 8th grader that is begging for a fb page "ALL my friends are on fb" - decisions, decisions - uggh!! - Maureen C
This is exactly why I tried to organize an internet safety class at our school last year involving the students. However, the powers that be decided that it should be just for parents. I was furious last year when I was going through some of my kids classmates and my 2nd grader had friends with FB pages. I had this child try to friend me numerous times even. I don't have children as friends because I don't condone children on FB. I might say inappropriate things or one of my friends might post something on my wall. What made it worse was these kids had all sorts of info available to the public including their wall. And they were talking about having boyfriends and kissing. They are making themselves appear older than they are and that is a huge concern in my book. And I found out that the parents knowingly allowed their children to have these pages and did not make them private or block them because they weren't aware they could do that. That scares me too. Parents aren't aware of the privacy settings, but are allowing their 8 year old to put pictures and status messages of where she is going to be at any given time for the whole world to see. And if you think FB will protect you then you are wrong. So yes, I am a hold out parent waiting for the age of 13 to allow my children to have FB. Could even wait longer than that. But there will be strict rules and I will be checking their friend lists and have access to their accounts or they don't get to have one. Definitely a good learning experience of why you are saying no to Kass about having a FB page. And of how boys mature slower than girls. And of being careful of how you present yourself to the world. If you don't want to have a certain reputation then you have to do whatever you can to protect that. I'm glad it wasn't actually Kass they were talking about, but I wonder how this other girl is feeling. Sounds like it's time for the school to maybe step in and do a little lesson about all of this.
You are so right! FB and the internet in general can be tricky to navigate sometimes. Even as an adult I had a tricky situation. I was friends with my friend's son. He started posting lots of swear words and some inappropriate YouTube links. I sent him a message saying I had to remove him as a friend because my kids read my FB page and I won't "friend" people who post inappropriate material. That was hard enough to do, however what was even worse was that my friend was mad at me for ruining her son's night and now he feels given up on. Ugh!
Glad everything got sorted out. You just confirmed why I don't want my kids to have facebook pages till they reach the age limit. Maybe not even then :X
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