I have been thinking a lot today about this blog. I feel like it's being neglected. I went all last year and didn't miss ANY days blogging until November when we went on vacation... after that I kind of gave up. And now I feel like I have nothing to say. Of course that never lasts long. ;o)
I have thought about closing up shop, calling it a day, and sticking to Facebook (and my new found love of Pinterest! haha). I'm just worn out. I'm tired of having to think before EVERY post, "Who's going to judge me for what I'm about to say?" or "Who's going to pick apart this cute video of my son and find something to insult my 4 year old over?" or "Who's going to freak out that I don't post enough about the older two, and instead of realizing I'm respecting their privacy, they'll accuse me of not loving them enough, and even when I DO post about them, their posts are pretty much ignored which makes them sad, so why bother?" or "No matter what I post or what I do, even though some of you know my heart, people who I thought were friends are out there spreading horrible things about me."
I read somewhere that what other people say about you is none of your business. And I like that saying, in theory. But it's really hard when I get comments on my blog picking apart my innocent children or people questioning my motives behind what I do, or heaven forbid I post more about one child than the other... and really, when you insult my children, it IS my business.
I am also fully aware that all of this... crap... comes along with blogging. Eventually, no matter who you are, someone is going to come along who does not like how you parent, how you talk, how you write, how you think, what you post... whatever. I closed down anonymous comments a few months ago, and that's helped a lot because no one seems to have the guts to leave their name to back up a nasty comment, but then in passing, I find that someone who I thought was a friend was really trashing me... and has been for years. And I'm sure there are more.
There are a few purposes to my blog...
1. To keep my family and friends who we don't talk to every day updated on our lives and our children's lives.
2. To bring awareness to Down syndrome and childhood cancer and International Adoption... it may not be all positive information, but it's real and true; and no I don't know everything, but I know if I post a question, someone out there will have the answers. It's been so wonderful being part of this Down syndrome community... one where I've received support and prayers and ideas and love over the years... and hopefully I've returned that to others.
3. To keep my husband up to date and informed when he's deployed... and we're heading there again soon.
4. It's a place for me to vent... like I am doing tonight. It's a place for me to rant about news articles or whatever I feel like talking about at the time... And I thank those of you who have indulged my soapbox for so long. :o)
(And that list was really more for me as a reminder than for all of you..) ;o)
But now... I'm not sure what to do. I've thought about turning off ALL comments (but that doesn't really stop people from talking behind my back, does it?). I've thought about going private, which seems to be the most logical thing to do, but every time I get an email from a mother who found my blog because their baby just was diagnosed with Down syndrome or Leukemia or AOI or CIPA and wants to talk about their experiences or has questions about our experiences, I think that going private is not the right thing to do. If I can help other parents on this journey we are on, then that's amazing. That's what I want to do. SO many parents helped me when Kennedy was born... and I want to pay that forward forever.
I don't really know what the point of this post is... except that I'm worn out. And I'm sad. And yes, I'm having a little bit of a pity party stemming from the hurt caused by this "friend". But I'll get over it, I promise. And it's going to be a really long week for all of us. Anyway, those are my thoughts for tonight... take them for what you will... because they're probably not worth much ;). And if something in this post offends you, which I'm sure it will to someone out there, let me apologize right now for being me. Because apparently to you, that's never good enough.
Nuff said, pity party over. Back to life.