Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Here We Go Again...

Tonight we begin another year of deployment. This is number 5 for our family... twice to Iraq, three times to Afghanistan. Every deployment has been different... more kids, the kids at different ages and different stages of awareness about what's happening. Frank has been in different locations at each time, which means different accommodations for him and most importantly, different forms and quality of communication home.

Last time was really hard because the communication there was horrible... he would try to Skype with the kids and the connection would freeze or drop completely which made Kennedy very upset. She didn't understand anything except that she wanted to see her daddy.

This time, we've been told, the communication will be good. It's well established. I am praying this is true because it makes things so much easier. I am thankful for communication, for technology. I think often about the Army wives before me, in the days of the World Wars, the Korean war and even Vietnam when they eagerly awaited letters... sometimes coming weeks apart. Never knowing if their husband was alive, or hurt, until long after the fact. I am so grateful to all of them for paving the way for our country and our military now. They inspire me and help me get through each deployment with my own husband.

Kassidy and Kameron are strong. They amaze me. They are so proud of their father, yet they worry too. Kassidy takes on the role of the oldest well. She protects her siblings. She hugs them often. Even when she feels like crying, she hangs tough. And she helps me. Sometimes too much... but I love her and I appreciate her and her sweet spirit. Kameron has blocked all deployment talk out. He may be in a little bit of denial. He was literally surprised when Kassidy reminded him that daddy was leaving today, even though we've been talking about it for weeks. He plays everything cool... like the big kid that he is, but sometimes the little boy inside comes out and you can tell he is scared. No matter how much I try to protect them from the news, they know. They know that sometimes daddies just don't come home.


Kennedy is understanding in small doses. She knows that daddy is going to help people. She knows he won't be back for "lots and lots of days". She knows that when he does come back, we are going to California. And that makes her happy. She gives big hugs and kisses and wraps her arms around anyone who needs a hug. "It will be ok..." she assures us. We talk about how she will get to see daddy on the computer... and he will talk to her and check in on her, and make sure she's being good at school. "And he'll watch me dance?!" she questions. Yes. He will watch you dance. And he will smile and call you a princess.


This is the first deployment where Keeghan is really aware of what is happening. We've been talking about it for some time. He's had lots of questions, lots of anxiety. When he hears the garage door open, he will come running, tears in his eyes, wondering who's leaving the house, where they are going, and when they are coming back... and please oh please give him a hug and kiss before you leave. I'm not sure what the next few weeks will bring for him. He's just a little guy who loves his daddy... and it's going to be hard for him. 


Kellsey is blissfully unaware. She doesn't understand. Doesn't know. She will go to bed tonight just like always and tomorrow she will get up just like always and go about her day. Will she look for him? I wonder. Eventually will she wander around the house, looking for her dad who usually sits in the chair next to her while she scribbles on her magna doodle... and will she wonder where he went... why she only gets to see him on mommy's computer? I don't think she will understand. She may have it easier than the rest of us.


My kids are strong. Tomorrow we will wake up and we will begin our new routines. We will go forward, getting everyone where they need to be, when they need to be there. We will all pitch in and keep the house running and we will smile. And we will laugh. And we will make memories. And take lots of pictures to send overseas. And we will get through the next year one day at a time... looking forward to skype calls and phone calls and R&R... and we'll watch this circle go from red to green... because green means that daddy is coming home.


Please be praying for Frank and his fellow Soldiers as they start this journey once again. One year. We can do this.

42 comments :

Jen T. said...

Can I request a waterproof mascara disclaimer next time? Praying for all of you and sending big hugs! xo

Janet said...

you are one tough cookie, i've known for 12yrs now and i've seen you go thru so many ups and downs, and you seem to just come thru it all with no bangs or bruises. I know you have a heart of gold and your going to get thru this just like all of the rest of the deployments!...You know we all here to help, talk, laugh and get you thru this..I pray for you and the kids and Frank, and know most of that read your blog will be with you all the way, and those that are that blessed to be related to you six, will be there for you , forever :)..hugs hugs hugs..

Janet said...

Oh, Renee. I am praying for Frank, yourself and all the special K's tonight and over the next year. I do not know how you do it. Thank you Frank for all that you do. God Bless you all.

Janet

.emma.stormy. said...

Beautiful written as always, Renee...praying for all of your beautiful family. You can do this, you are so strong...you are my inspiration. Love you.

Stacy said...

God Bless You All!!!! and THANK YOU Frank for your dedication to your country and Ranee to you for raising such beautiful children and being such an inspiration and a voice!!!

Beth said...

I need that mascara disclaimer too - LOL!!

Praying for you all and all our military men, women and families! Thank you for all you do!!

Hugs to you all!

Jacki said...

I just had a feeling he was leaving today! That totally sux! I remember the day that my dad would deploy. We were the old school kids...no Skype, no phone calls...it took forever for him to get home. But...we developed a new normal, and we are better people for it!
Hugs and prayers to you and the K's. Many, many prayers for Frank and his safety.
Is he going to blog while he's gone this time?

66230b64-4201-11e0-853e-000bcdcb471e said...

my thoughts and love are with all of you. If you ever want to explore Butte, MT let me know. Jack and I would love to meet you and all the kiddos. We are like 12 hours away. Your kids would love this area. We can go gold digging, sapphire searching. Explore ghost towns, etc. You are so strong. You and the kids will settle into a "new normal" and the year will go by fast. I am the gold medalist in "mind games"...as in, its not a year...its 24 pay checks. Its not a year, its 12 pedicures, etc.

And then there were 5..... said...

I don't know how you do it. My husband went back east for a month to care for his father and after two weeks I was going insane. You are one strong cookie!

Stephanie B said...

I agree with Jen T! I am totally tearyeyed for you and your family! Renee you are an amazing wife and mother! Prays are being sent your way!

Anne B. said...

These pictures are so beautiful and each one made more tears fall. Thank you all for the sacrifice you are making for my family and the other families of our country!!! Your husband is a brave soldier and so are you and each of your Special K's! God bless you and know that you will be in my daily prayers!! (((BIG BIG HUGS)))!!!

Nancy said...

Thank you Frank for protecting us in states, thank your fellow soldiers and may God protect all of you from today through the next year. I pray for Jesus to be with all of you. I pray for Jesus to hold the families that are staying here keeping as close to "normal routines" as possible. I am amazed at you, Renee. You seem to be just as much of a veteran as Frank. You continue to have the strength to the home running, the kids learning and stand on God's promises. I know it can not be easy but you do it. I applaud you and will be following this blog closer than I have in past years. Praying for you all and adding this family to the prayer chain at church. Psalm 112, 1-8
Nancy

Luann said...

I'll be praying for you, Frank, and your family!

Zoey's Mom, Heather said...

Sending Frank with prayers for the journey and you all, strength while he is gone. Thank you Frank for all you do for all of us.

And Renee, keep blogging. I have been thinking all the same things and then I receive an email from another parent who google one of Zoey's many DX's and I say, I have to keep it up. I just have to.And I am not sure if you have gone to moderating comments, but I have and it has made a difference. I still hate hearing the crap but I just delete and move on.

Jennifer Lane said...

Renee you are so strong! I can't imagine how you feel with each deployment. Tell Frank thank you for his service and thank you for standing behind him! Lots of love!

Kathyb1960 said...

OH WOW! I knew it was soon, but I didn't know it was THIS soon! But, I guess I must have in my spirit, b/c I prayed for him this morning. And I put a message on his FB page earlier, but I don't know if he saw it (yet?).

As I told him, I will keep him in prayers daily, and I know God will be watching over him and his fellow soldiers! And I will pray that God sends a few thousand angels to go with him (them)!!!

We all prayed him home the last 2 times (since I've been aware of his deployments!), and I know we'll pray him home again!

Love and prayers to all of you!

Kathy

Kelli said...

I think this is my third deployment with you guys, if you can call it my third or "with you guys" hugs and lots of prayers for everyone.

Nicki McFadden said...

Sending Frank and all of you lots of hugs and tons of prayers!

Nicki McFadden said...

Sending Frank and all of you lots of hugs and tons of prayers!

Beverly said...

keeping Frank and all you in our prayers! xoxo

katie ledet said...

Thank you Frank for your service. Praying for his safety!

Lisa (DanielsMommy) said...

Oh, I just wasn't expecting this so soon. It seems like he just came home. I will be praying for his safety and please, give him extra hugs from us..to thank him for his service to our country. Hugs, for you, Frank and all your beautiful children.

Holly Aytes said...

Renee, you, the kids and Frank are all in our prayers. I can't imagine what that must be like. I don't know if deployment is in our future or not but will definitely be coming to you for advice it that happens to us. I look forward to watching the "deployment donut" turn green!

Runningmama said...

I will be thinking of you and praying for your family. I also want to say thank you for what your family and Frank are willing to give up so that we all can enjoy the freedoms that we have...so thank you, thank you, thank you!

Suzetta said...

I have done this same thing a few times myself. I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I'm so sorry. It never gets easier. But like you said....you guys can do this. :)

Prayers to you all. And from one Army family to another Thank You for all your sacrifices. You, Frank AND the kids. I think many people forget the sacrifices that our kids make. They are heros themselves.

Salinas family said...

Will keep you all in my prayers. I have so much gratitued for your sacrifices and committment.
Much love from Logan UT,
Karen

RK said...

Thank you. All of you. For your sacrifices. It is no small thing, and I hope you know that we, those of us benefiting from your service, do not take it for granted.

kntsmom said...

I just want to send your family a big (((HUG))), I know how you are feeling right now, but I love the beautiful way you wrote it. The pictures are beautiful and heart breaking at the same time. I only have 2 kids and each of the times my husband has deployed it has been hard. I admire you for being such a great mom and wife through everything. Thank you and your family for your sacrifices.

Island Baby said...

Keeping you and your family in my prayers. I feel badly for the kids, and I hope for their sake that the year goes fast. How often does Frank have to deploy? Is it like an every other year thing or more random? Is he thinking of anytime retiring soon? (im not sure how many yrs he has in already or if he is close to retiring!)
Poor Frank looks so sad in those pics, I bet it is just as hard on him leaving his family behind and missing out on so many milestones. Hang in there, you have 5 beautiful reasons to keep you busy each day. I am sure the time will fly!

Karen said...

Praying for your family.

Patty Cleveland said...

Praying!

Jenn said...

Oh Renee... my heart aches for your family. What Frank is doing is truly heroic. He is doing such a neccessary, beautiful, courageous thing.

But so are you. So are your kids. You are all doing a brave and courageous and heart-wrenching and scary and heroic thing, by continuing to live and love when he is over there, protecting us.

You will be in my heart and prayers. I have to believe that Frank will come home safe - and will pray for nothing less. But I know that it is so.very.hard. to be at home while they are there. It's just not easy. So prayers you shall have.

Lynn said...

Know that you're always in my thoughts and prayers! Praying even harder now!!!!
Isaiah 53:4-6 ¶Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
Prayer Bears
My email address

Katrina said...

Praying for your sweet family. Please let your husband know how very thankful we are for him and the others who serve our country. Plus how thankful we are to those families who sacrifice their time with their loved ones for us.

I wish I lived closer so I could be of some help to you and your family but I will think of you as I remember to help my sweet neighbor across the street whose husband is deployed also at this time.

Katrina
Carlene's soon to be momma :)
www.operationorphannomore.blogspot.com

m&msmommy said...

I will be praying for you, Frank and your sweet kiddos! I can't even imagine...I truly can't. I hate goodbyes, even temporary ones! I give you and your family SO much credit for the strength and courage it takes to do this EACH AND EVERY TIME!

Prayers, prayers, and more prayers being sent your way! :)

Vivielle said...

Praying for all of you.

Ann said...

Praying for you. I've been thinking of you from the moment I woke up this morning. Thank you Frank for your service protecting our country. Thank you Renee for your sacrifice. I can't even put into words what I'm thinking right now. I just really appreciate you.

Kristin said...

Praying. And tearing up a bit reading this. Thank You, Frank, for defending our freedom!!

Emily Doss said...

Wow. I always think of you military wife's as heroes of our country too. Thanks for holding down the fort and for making it possible for your husband to serve. You are truly amazing and we will be praying for both you and for Frank.

Notsopc said...

Oh how my heart goes out to you..it just seems like he got home. So nice that you have the skype and faster ways to talk. I remember waiting the phone calls and mail but my husband was in the Navy..I at least knew where he was.. On a ship and you sure couldn't leave that to go somewhere else.. I still cry when I see the military leave and when they come home.. i remember my daughter when she was three and he left for the six month cruise. I had dropped him off on the pier and then went home and packed the car and drove and stayed with my mother in law for some of the cruise. it was about 2 or so later and i heard her crying and went and asked her what was the matter and she said You just left him there uou just left him.. WHAT? It was then I realized she hadn't gotten the fact he went out to sea even though she did.. she always saw the empty berth when he was gone before.. Poor kids when daddy leaves.. sorry i went on.. it just stirs up the empty space in your chest when you think of them leaving.. I wish i could come help you out but Colo is a long way away.. Will keep you and yours and Frank and company in my prayers.. May you time fly.... Nancy

Cyndi J said...

These pix just make me cry !
In prayer for all of you.

Tracy said...

Praying for the time to go by quickly and for Frank to come home safe and sound. What a strong mommy you are! Thanks to you, Frank and your family for all that you do to help keep this country safe. Those of us not involved in the military cannot possibly thank you all enough for the sacrifices that you have made. God bless.