Sunday, March 3, 2013

Q&A #257

Is this a problem with adoptions in the U.S. or is it just international adoptions? I have a friend from college, single, who felt that adopting a child from Russia was the only way she'd ever have children. Not sure what all the medical issues are but a married couple would have had more than their hands full let alone a single parent! Not sure if she'll ever be able to live on her own or not.
That's actually a very good question!! RAD is actually VERY prominent in our US Foster Care system as well. Reactive Attachment Disorder is caused by neglect basically. When a baby or young child is left laying in his crib most of the day and is not held, loved, and taught that basic bonding that babies get (usually from their mothers), it can turn into RAD. These kids learn that even when they cry, no one comes to help them, so eventually they just don't cry anymore. They learn to go without food, they are ok with laying in wet or soiled diapers, and many have a constant change of caregivers... here in the US that can be due to bouncing from foster home to foster home. They get so used to rejection that they expect it. Then when a family comes in and tries to love that child, tries to BOND with that child, tries to be their parent, the child rebels in whatever ways they can. They thrive on negative attention, they "mommy-shop", they steal, lie, hoard food, become violent and destructive. Sadly it's far more common than people realize and families are shamed into thinking they just don't love enough and that it's THEIR fault their child is this way... there's not enough awareness or help out there for families who are suffering... and it sucks. If you or someone you know is looking to do foster care or adopt, I recommend checking out this book... it will help prepare you... just in case you don't have the "picture perfect adoption". 
This Means War: Equipping Christian Families for Foster Care or Adoption

So glad you posted this. The thing that strikes me is that so many families adopt because they are "called" to do so. So if they are followers of Jesus and do as the Bible instructs, why is there so much judgement among those who have had the "happily ever after"? Shouldn't THEY be the ones offering love and support BECAUSE of their supposed love for Christ? I know you aren't saying it is like that with everyone but it seems that the adoption community should really be pulling together to support those who are struggling so much. Step up, Christians!!!
I absolutely agree! It should be that way!!! Sadly, the families who speak up ARE chastised, especially by some (not all) in the adoption community. Some have even gone so far as to say that families who disrupt are the reason countries like Russia are shutting down their adoption programs to families in the US, which is a bunch of crap. The reason Russia is shutting down their program is because it's a cruel political move that truly has nothing to do with the kids. However, if it DID have to do with the kids, it would be more about the families who snapped and killed their kids than it would the families who disrupted. Seriously, if those families who were pushed to their breaking point had had the support and were able to make the choice to disrupt when they knew they couldn't do it anymore, I bet all those kids would be alive. Instead, there is family after family ruined forever because a child is dead, one or both parents are in jail, and any siblings in the home have their lives forever changed. The whole thing is just devastating. 

so how is little Kellsey doing today? What can be done to reverse the effects in home, if anything? What can we do for HER?
She is ok... it's been a rough road for her. There are lots of theories and controversial therapies when it comes to RAD. However, therapists who KNOW how to deal with RAD are few and far in between. Sometimes kids with RAD can learn to cope in a family setting... other times, that never happens. Each kid with RAD is different (of course) and needs different things and living situations to help them cope with life. We're working hard on figuring out what that looks like for Kellsey. You can be praying for her that she will let people in and she will let down the wall that she's built around her, and you can be praying for all the hands and heart working for and with her to give her the best life possible. 

This is a random question for you, but have you read the book, "The Boy from Baby House 10?" I read the whole thing this weekend, and all I can say is wow. What a unique perspective it offers on Russian orphanages. It is amazing that any child could come out of there and not be harmed in some way!
I have! I also saw a documentary they did on it on Dateline or 20/20 or some show like that. It was really good and really shed light on a lot of the problems in orphanages in other countries. Sadly, the majority of kids DO come out harmed in one way or another. :( 

Okay, I missed this milk man thing, but I'm wondering is the box insulated so on hot days it doesn't spoil the milk? I would be so afraid I'd forget about it. Wouldn't be too big of a deal in the winter, but the rest of the year, especially the summer might not work out so well. 
Ummm... they might be a LITTLE insulated but not much. They drop the milk off like at 5am though and we get it out at 6am when we get up. If we're not going to be home, we can leave a note in the box saying, "SKIP" and they don't leave any. :) It definitely cannot sit out there in the box for hours though, it would go bad. 

Where did you get her pretty headband? I see girls wearing it everywhere but I've never seen it sold anywhere! 
I'm pretty sure it's from Claire's since that is where we buy almost all her stuff. Have I mentioned she's obsessed with that store?! LOL 

1 comment :

Heather said...

I don't get all the judgment... you know what's best for your family. Praying for Kellsey and all of you (your mom too).

We've had a milk man for over ten years... it's the best! We even used to get the glass bottles but er... after a few "incidents" we just went for the plastic.